how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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