since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There are leaves in my underwear?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
