Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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