You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
