i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
