Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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