He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
