And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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