I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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