My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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