I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
