yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
