Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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