So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
