Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
