I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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