So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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