She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
