fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
