The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
