I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
