we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
