Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
