Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this is an emotional support booty call
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
