I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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