I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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