We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
