The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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