maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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