Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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