hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
