Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
