i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
