I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
