Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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