I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
