Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
