my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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