Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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