Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
