I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
