who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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