yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
