That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
