connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
