I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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