I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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