I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just invented taco cereal.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
