She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
