The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
