As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
