the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
