Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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