Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's get the cat blown out
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
