this beer tastes like vomit already
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
